What I Think About

I think about Africa every single day.

Sometimes I welcome the memories, but other times, I would prefer not to think about them.

When I visit my grandmother in the nursing home where she is so well cared for

         I think about the woman on the street with no place to live,
her back hunched with age. She begs for money, 
but I have none to give. 
All I can do is hold her hand and pray for her. 

She is thankful for that small gesture.

When I see a fat, healthy, newborn baby

     All I can think about is the baby girl I hold in my arms, 
her body so sick and malnourished that she can barely move. 
Her mother smiles up at me, proud that her daughter has made it this far. 

I try to smile back, but it is fake. 
What are her chances of making it to the age of 5, 

much less adulthood? 
I feel overwhelmed by the unfairness of this world.

When I hear a child laugh

I can only think of Isatu, her body riddled with AIDS 
and grotesquely emaciated. 

The sores from living in a wheelchair pain her. 
I blow bubbles for her 

because it's all that I can do. 

It seems so out of place. But it's enough. 

Her face lights up and she lets out a breathy, 
almost inaudible laugh. 

In that one moment, the pain is forgotten, 
and she is a child again. 

When someone says, "Praise the Lord!"

I hear my friend Kadie say "Tell Papa God plenti tenki!" 
Her hands raised to heaven in praise.

Although her life is more difficult than I can fathom, 

she still thanks God for bringing Mercy Ships 

to remove the large tumor on her jaw. 

Too often, the sweet memories are overshadowed by the pain

the injustice

the sorrow.

But I am finding that as time goes on, I can recall the moments of life

of celebration

of healing

more vividly than those of pain.

And I think that's what is important. Not to forget the sorrow.

But to be like my African friends in this way-

To remember the sorrow 

Thank God for the healing

And embrace every day as an unexpected gift from God.

Back to the Africa Mercy...

It's Easter! I hope that everyone has been encouraged today by remembering the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ! I love a statement that my pastor made today. He said "God took on weakness so He could draw near to us (through Jesus his Son)...He allows us to be weak so that we must rely on Him." This was a much needed reminder to me that my own weaknesses which I despise may be the very things that remind me of my need for Jesus.

Well, I've been back in the US for nearly 4 months now. It feels weird that so much time has gone by because it seems that very little has happened in that time! I've resumed college classes so I can start a Nursing Program this fall, and they have kept me VERY busy. However, in comparison to how much happened in my 41/2 months on the ship, my life is unexciting now. I have had the opportunity to speak at several local churches about the work of Mercy Ships, and I have a few more lined up. I really enjoy telling about my experience with Mercy Ships in Sierra Leone and raising support for their work.

The past few months have been very difficult. In some ways the adjustment to living back in the US has been more difficult than the culture shock I experienced in Sierra Leone. While in Africa I was overwhelmed by the poverty that was simply a way of life. Now living back in the States, I have to come to terms with the fact that we truly are RICH. Before my trip I would have said that I was rich, but I had no real understanding of that fact. It is frustrating to be surrounded by people who have no idea how richly they are blessed.

It was very difficult to transition from living with 400+ people who mostly love God and have a heart for the people of Africa to re-entering the culture of the United States where both of those qualities are often absent. I miss that environment where everyone so eagerly put their faith into actions. And not only that, but the transformations I witnessed in patients were both physical and spiritual at the same time. That is why my 4 1/2 months with Mercy Ships was the most rewarding time of my life! I continue to marvel at how God graciously allowed me to join in the work of Mercy Ships. I feel so unworthy, yet grateful.

My exciting news is that I will be re-joining the Africa Mercy this summer for 5 weeks! I am SO excited! I wish it could be longer, but my oldest brother is getting married, so I must work around that date. I will join the ship in Santa Cruz de Tenerife, which is a small Spanish island. The ship goes here every summer to have routine maintenance done. I believe that it is maritime law to have this done. I would much rather be going to Africa, but this is where the ship will be for the summer. I will either be working in the Dining Room or with the Hospitality Dept. where I worked last time! It will be wonderful to see several friends who are still onboard the ship and hear about the outreach in Togo.

The other exciting news is that my brother, Ben, is planning to serve with Mercy Ships for 7 months this year! He jokes that he is following in my footsteps, even though he is older! :) He plans to do Gateway training in Garden Valley, Texas, then fly with his group to Benin, West Africa where they do an outreach. This is where they apply what they have learned, and build a school or church building for a local village. Then he will join the ship in Guinea, where they will be doing a long outreach into 2013. Please be praying for Ben and his preparation. Also pray that he will receive the necessary financial support. We are both about halfway to the amount of money that we need to raise. If you would like to donate to Ben, click HERE.

Hope you have a blessed Easter, and remember that HE is what it's all about.

On Leaving Africa

I have been home for 22 days. Well, that depends on how you define home. If home is "where the heart is" then my home is in several places right now. A part is here in Virginia, US with my family. However, I am starting to realize that a piece of me will always be in West Africa and with Mercy Ships. Let me explain a few things that caused this to happen. 

Ship Relationships. Living on a ship for 5 months with about 400 people was challenging at times. You literally eat, sleep, and work with the same people day in and day out. Sometimes we got on each others nerves. There were days when I simply wanted to have space to be alone and process what I was experiencing. However, instead of being alone with my thoughts, God often sent just the right person (usually one of my fabulous roommates) to share my thoughts and worries with. He has a funny way of turning our trials and difficulties into blessings, and I saw that in SO many ways.

Hope Center. If the only thing that I was able to do on this trip was play with children and talk with the adults at the Hope Center, it would have been more than enough. I can't explain how God used that place to expand my heart and increase my love for the people of Africa. Until I began visiting the Hope Center, I was honestly afraid of the local people. They seemed so different from me, and I didn't know how to interact with them. At the Hope Center, I was immediately accepted - before I could even greet all of the adults sitting around, children would be clambering for attention and wanting me to hold them. The children are not used to receiving attention, so they literally took any from us that we would give them. I miss their big smiles and joyful attitudes. I miss singing "Tell Papa God Tenki" and "Waka Waka" (Shakira) with them. 

Poverty has now become personal to me. The faces of children that you see on those TV commercials now means something to me. I realize looking back that before I went to West Africa, those faces didn't really seem like humans to me. It seemed like their lives and families and problems were worlds away and unreal. I wasn't affected by it. However, now that I have met those children and men and women that are dealing with AIDS and malaria and recovering from a civil war, I ache for them. My own struggles in life are laughable in comparison to theirs. Before I went to Africa, this verse described me and still describes most of America. Ezekiel 16:49 says that the people were "arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy." I hope that God can use my life to bring hope to the poor and needy, both in the physical and eternal sense. 

I feel a burden for the people of Africa. I cannot forget them. Shauna Niequist, one of my favorite writers, echoes my thoughts: "I had to clear away space in my mind and my heart, spaces previously occupied by easy things - groceries to buy, albums to download, people to call- and replace them with the weight of Africa, a heavy, dark thing to carry with me, something under which to labor, something under which to tremble. Because once you see it, you will never be able to un-see it, and once you see it, you will be responsible for it, and for the self it reveals back to you." 

Leaving the ship was, to be honest, one of the hardest things I have ever done. There are several reasons.  First, most of the people that I said goodbye to will not be there if and when I return. When I left home to join Mercy Ships, I knew that God willing, I would see my family again. But when I left the ship to return home, the farewells were different. I knew that I wouldn't see many of those friends again. Second, I have so many memories from the ship and Sierra Leone that I will cherish for my whole life. God taught me  many hard lessons in the time that I was on the ship. I learned so much about the world and other cultures that I couldn't have learned anywhere else.

These are the lovely hospitality ladies that I worked with. During my time there, they became more like sisters and mothers than coworkers. (L to R) Marilyn, Susan, Savanna, Pat, Jenny aka"Ginger" and I.

The morning that I left the ship, about 15 of my closest friends gathered in reception and formed a big circle around me. One by one I hugged all of them, and the tears wouldn't stop flowing. We all led a procession down the gangway. I remembered the hundreds of times I had walked (or ran) up and down those stairs to go visit the Hope Center or other places, and to return to the ship. Then on the dock, I hugged everyone another time before my bag was loaded into the land rover, and it was time to go. As we drove away to the airport and I caught my last glimpse of the Africa Mercy, I felt like my heart was breaking. Forming deep relationships and then having to say goodbye has never happened this quickly for me, but I would never take it back to spare the pain. I still thank God for allowing me to know those people, for however short a time.

I miss it so much. A few things keep reminding me that the past 5 months were NOT a dream - my computer clock that is still set on West African time, the tan lines on my feet from wearing sandals in the hot sun haven't faded, and I still wear my Sierra Leone jersey proudly. Now, the reality of living at home is setting in. When I go for walks, I actually miss dodging potholes and poda podas, and the children running up to grab your hand saying "opatu!" I miss the chaos of everyday life in Africa. However, I am adjusting somewhat to life in the US. I'm taking classes at a local college, and preparing to start a nursing program in the fall. I'm very optimistic for what the future holds. And I have a feeling that the future might involve Africa...